News of pregnancy always comes with mixed emotions. For some, there is immediate joy, but that joy is also usually mixed with a bit of worry. And this worry isn’t for nothing as, sadly, one in four pregnancies will end in miscarriage.
While miscarriages are all-too-common, it doesn’t make dealing with grief and sadness any easier for anyone involved. It can be very difficult for us to know how to respond to a friend or loved one who has recently experienced a pregnancy loss.
As a therapist, I have worked with many who have experienced a pregnancy loss and I have learned appropriate ways to interact with them during their time of grief. Here are some tips.
Understand the Full Picture
The majority of miscarriages happen in the first 12 weeks of pregnancy. This is referred to as, medically speaking, an “embryo.” But to those wanting to become pregnant, these grieving parents, this is much more than an end to an embryo, it is the death of a son or daughter who they have perhaps been trying so hard to have for many years. The dream of their child’s first steps, holidays, kindergarten, and the wonder of what he/she will be when they grow up- are gone. There are so many emotions involved in pregnancy loss and it’s important to always keep a fuller picture in mind.
Reassure Her
Many women can feel extremely guilty after a miscarriage. They assume they have done something wrong. Science doesn’t really understand why miscarriages happen. A woman may take excellent care of her health and still experience a pregnancy loss. It’s important to reassure her that she has done nothing wrong. It’s equally important to let her know that it is okay to grieve.
What we DON’T want to do is brush over this loss and say, “Don’t worry, it will happen for you” or “Just keep trying.” The idea of trying to become pregnant again, after this loss, is incredibly difficult. Not to mention, the fear of ANOTHER pregnancy loss.
Remember the Partner
Mothers-to-be, for obvious reasons, need attention after a miscarriage. But both male and female partners of these women are hurting as well. Not only have they been hit with the initial loss, but they must also summon extra strength and keep things together while their partner grieves.
If you or a loved one has suffered a miscarriage and would like to speak to someone about your loss and to work through the grieving process, please reach out to me, and we can discuss how I may help.
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