We are born knowing that we are infinitely lovable. Babies and toddlers demand love and attention. They ask to be held, they ask for toys and presents and they feel they deserve them. When we’re very young, we simply somehow just “know” that we are amazing and deserve nothing but goodness.
But then something happens…
Along the way, we experience interactions with others and receive messages that suggest we may be not good enough. We can become programmed by kids at school and various media outlets. We hit puberty and our hormones kick in and suddenly instead of being awesome and lovable, we believe we aren’t good enough, smart enough, or worse- unworthy or unloveable.
The good news is, you are lovable, valuable and worthy of love. The bar is NOT Perfection, No one is suggesting you, me or we need to be perfect. But worthy – Absolutely! Here are some tips to help you be kinder to yourself- Yes even love yourself.
Make Time for Yourself
Little kids spend a lot of alone time playing. And during this alone time, they are really connected to their inner world. The “us” in this inner world is the real us, not the us in the business suit or rush-hour traffic or grocery store line. Spend quality time just with you -so you can reconnect to the “you” you’ve forgotten. Can you remember what you used to enjoy as a child?
Say “No” More Often
When we constantly put others’ needs before our own, we tell our subconscious mind over and over -that we do not matter. If you are a people pleaser, get into the habit of saying no to others and yes to yourself more often.
We don’t have to be harsh, “No, I can’t, I have a commitment.” Is a true statement, that commitment may be that you promised yourself to make a vision board, a nightly walk after dinner, write that blog, adopt a pet or try a yoga class.
Do What You Love
Maybe when you were young you wanted to be a painter or singer or photographer, but an adult “talked some sense into you.” Well there is no reason you can’t explore these passions as a hobby now. Doing what you love is one of the best ways to love yourself more.
Not sure? Time to become curious! Take the time to think about :
When do I feel the most joy?
What makes me light up on the inside?
What would I do for free, if I did not need any money for the rest of my life? And why?
Speak Truth- with Kindness
When you constantly tell other people what they want to hear instead of telling the truth, you silence yourself. This, in turn, kicks your self-worth to the curb.
Don’t be afraid to always be authentic and truthful. Sure, you’ll have to find graceful and tactful ways to share your truth with others, but it’s the best way to honor yourself. You can be kind, curious and honor what you believe.
Don’t look to mainstream political leaders to exemplify this behavior ! They may believe their viewpoint is True (and it could may be) but acting hostile, divisive, or forcing a “you are either with us or against us” is a false dichotomy. Think more like great communicators like Brene Brown, Andy Stanley and Jefferson Fisher.
When I Do Things- I don’t Feel Good about…
Ever say something, or do something you regretted? Sure, all of us have. But when we regularly behave in ways that go against what we Believe at our core- that is a formula for feeling bad about yourself. In a way, it is that little part of you that is saying- this is NOT who I am! So spend some time thinking- am I betraying what I believe?
It is true that sometimes we need to examine what we believe (Santa Clause, Tooth Fairy). But sometimes beliefs we were taught from our Family of Origin, need to be reviewed. Does my behavior need to change? Do my beliefs need to be reexamined?
Get Help
When our self-worth is low or non-existent, attempting to value and love ourselves can feel impossible. If you suffer from a struggling self-esteem, speaking with a therapist can help you recognize where these obstacles came from and how to work through them to truly value yourself.
If you’d like to explore treatment options, please be in touch. I would be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help you get your spark back.
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